The Land of Funk
by Uskius
Summary: During a cease fire in the Fourth Great Ninja War, a new rogue ninja appears, seceding from Konoha and forming his own nation... which consists of a tree house and a clearing with a pond. What are his motives, if he even has any? Find out inside!
1. The Will of Funk

_"Greed, lust and angry pride- it's the same old same old ride; the smoke and mirrors, visions that you see are just like me..."_

**CHAPTER ONE: The Will of Funk**

It was a trying time in Konoha: the great Shinobi Alliance was beginning to show signs was coming apart, and the legendary Will of Fire had very nearly been extinguished; Naruto himself had tried to turn the tide of the war but Madara Uchiha had almost crippled him as he stated "Your time will come," and it had taken the combined efforts of the Raikage and Tsunade to tear him away from the battlefield and carry him to safety.

It was a relaxing time, in a way. The aforementioned encounter had begun a ceasefire; intelligence missions were still carried out by both sides, but violence was for the most part avoided- both sides recognized they and the other needed to regroup. Shinobi had begun to go back to doing some of the things they did before the war, including that most time-honored activity engaged in by returning warriors and their spouses. Such a perilous conflict naturally drew some couples closer together, and some longtime friends contemplated becoming couples, but all in all during the ceasefire things were almost the same as before the Fourth Great War had started.

Almost.

Tales of a new rogue shinobi began popping up, after he declared he was seceeding from Konoha and forming his own great shinobi nation... which consisted solely of a treehouse and a clearing with a small pond. His act was laughed off until a team was sent to investigate and came back blushing like a young bride, silent and absolutely refusing to explain their early return. Until finally, days later, Tenten spat out a single word: genjutsu.

Currently, Kakashi Hatake and Tsunade were wrapping up a discussion on this new rogue ninja. "Of course I remember that, it wasn't even a month ago- but the team wouldn't be complete without him."

"Well how do we know this rogue ninja isn't secretly in line with- or is a disguise for- Kabuto and Madara?" Tsunade said, hammering her fist onto her desk. "How do we know? I'm just not willing to risk that until we have a substantial amount of intel on this man and his intentions."

"Tenten and the others' claw wounds were self-inflicted; I don't think he aims to seriously injure anyone..." Kakashi leaned back in his chair and clasped his hands over his stomach. "This secession, in my estimation, is purely for political reasons. And, as far as we know, he isn't hiding an army of resurrected Akatsuki in that treehouse of his." Kakashi blew out a sigh.

"Again, my previous point- and self-inflicted clawing wounds? Excuse me but that doesn't exactly sound like playing nice-"

"They blushed," Interrupted Kakashi, waving a finger at Tsunade. "The team blushed before Tenten admitted to genjutsu. _Very_ important note." Kakashi casually adjusted the position of his forehead protector. "And you know... since technically this is an 'independent nation' we're dealing with, I don't have to be asking for your permission specifically. Why, I might just ask the Raikage-"

"Still against it!"

"Well what would Jiraiya say?" The Copy Ninja asked Tsunade, letting the silence fill the Hokage's office. "...I think he would be taking my side. Tsunade... Naruto's becoming a- _is_ a man. He needs this. Put him on the team."

"...And you said you would captain the team, correct?"

**-Outside Konoha, in the Land of Fire-**

"It's coming up ahead," Tenten pointed out, as she and Kakashi, Sakura, and Naruto raced off to investigate the rogue shinigami's... nation. Sakura cast a quick glance her way, which Tenten knew the still unexplained genjutsu was the cause of.

Naruto was speeding through the tree tops in the lead with Tenten and enjoying his first mission since the debacle that began the ceasefire. He could tell Sakura and Kakashi were waiting for Tenten to speak, and was about to ask what the big deal was when Kakashi signaled for them to split up.

_I'm beginning to see the clearing through the trees... and what's that above the canopy? _Kakashi was first to drop below and take up his position, soon followed by Sakura, Tenten, Naruto.

But their efforts to remain stealthy were in vain. "I can sense you're there, come on out- no need to hide! No secrets, no secrets here!" Reluctantly, the team showed themselves, and Naruto could barely believe his eyes as he saw the rogue ninja. He was a man of vague age(but leaning towards young), with a mustache and a few day's worth of dark stubble; his plain brown eyes were hidden behind red sunshades with pointy triangular lenses, and he had dark hair cut short. As for his outfit... it consisted of white bell-bottom hakama, and a loose white kimono with a high collar and fringe on the end of the sleeves, and a shiny golden sash, one end of which hung down his left side. "I've been gettin' a lot of visitors lately, thank-you-very-much. Konoha ninja?" He smirked, as he recognized Tenten. "Yes, Konoha..."

There was a moment of silence, and a cicada chirped. _Now would probably be too late to tell them about the lights... and the music..._ Tenten thought to herself. Naruto was blinking and rubbing his eyes, and Sakura wore a bemused expression on her face as she looked from Kakashi to the rogue ninja.

"Oh, visitors?" Kakashi asked nonchalantly. "From what nations?"

"I'm still inside the borders of Konoha, aren't I?" He asked pointedly, despite keeping his smile. "Honestly, it's hard to tell- most of them are wearing masks- but I do remember meeting this one strange man with scales... perhaps you're familiar with him? I'm fairly certain the previous snake-man is dead; I hadn't seen this new one before."

The team shared a nervous look before Kakashi spoke again. "We've heard of him. His name's Kabuto."

Sakura could see the gears turning behind the man's eyes, as he mysteriously stroked his chin. "...It seems the forces of destiny have dropped a viper into the rhythm section... and you can never trust a snake- Kabuto was a tad unfriendly, as well. But, a surprisingly good dancer."

"What do you mean, 'a surprisingly good dancer'?" Naruto burst out. "I tried to picture Kabuto dancing just now, but my mind almost broke..."

"Well, then why don't I-"

"No! I mean- we'll just have to take your word for it, I guess." Said Tenten, instantly regretting her interruption.

"Ha! Where is the Will of Fire now?" Asked the rogue shinigami, putting a hand on his hip and pointing at Tenten. "You're too afraid to let go of your pain, aren't you?" In the blink of an eye, the ninja did a few quick hand signs and called, "Funk Style! Mood Lighting Technique!" The light in the clearing dimmed, and multi-colored patterns of light moved around over the ground. "Ahem. Now, you seem to be reasonable ninja, so I'll explain: this isn't a nation where you hold on to the past! I know you all fight for the perfect peace. But you can't groove to the beat if the worries of yesterday are weighing down your feet. This is the place where you release yourself from all the world, and let who you really are come out! Reject reality and insert your own version of it! That's the Will of Funk, and my shinobi way!"

_Aww, he didn't do the Nice Guy pose. And speaking of inserting your own version of reality-_ "Interesting. And you seem... reasonable as well, so let me ask you this: what was the jutsu you used on Tenten and the rest of her team?"

The rogue ninja noticed Tenten staring at her feet with his peripheral vision, and so slid his eyes from Kakashi to Naruto. The blond ninja blinked and stared back, not realizing what the feeling in his hips was until it was too late...

Naruto watched the colored lights dancing around, and their pattern suddenly made sense to him. His hips should swing this way as that light came nearby, his arms should move like this as he moved a few steps over there; and he began to hear a bass groove(in his mind?)- or maybe it had always been playing and he just now noticed it. _This- this is genjutsu? What is this, I don't even..._ But, beyond all belief, Naruto found his resistance to the strange jutsu was _decreasing._ He glanced back at the rest of his team as he did a spin move, and found himself saying, "What are you guys waiting for? Come on!"

Sakura watched Naruto dance, his moves so embarrassing they _almost_ weren't funny. "Ha... aha ha ha..." She looked at the rogue ninja for a second, and purposefully strode over towards Naruto, meaning to pull him back by the ear. There was a light, giggly feeling in her chest, but now that they had observed the genjutsu long enough it was time to get serious again. As the pink-haired medic-nin reached to grab Naruto the giggly feeling in her chest overtook her, and the grab attempt spun Naruto to face her, and they began to dance together. _Wha- NOOOOOOO!_

Grinning beneath his face mask, Kakashi put the recording device back in his pocket. _He must be pretty smooth to have caught Sakura in it,_ Thought Kakashi. Glancing to his left, Tenten had her eyes closed, pinching the bridge of her nose as she sighed. _Huh? Ooh-_ Kakashi quickly whipped out his recording device again: Naruto was standing behind Sakura with his hands on her hips, rocking side to side with her in time to an unheard beat- when suddenly they stopped. It was so quiet in the clearing Kakashi heard a pollen spore drop onto a blade of grass.

"So that's pretty much the same genjutsu I used as last time," The rogue ninja stated.

Sakura slowly turned around, and stared into Naruto's eyes for a moment before slapping him, sending him skidding across the ground for several yards.

"Th- that was the genjutsu doing it, I swear!" Sakura glared at him, then turned and began to walk off.

Kakashi cleared his throat. "I think we've gathered enough intel for the moment. Team, tactical retreat!"

**END OF CHAPTER**

_"There is no easy way, for an honest man today- which is something you should think of as my life boat sails away..."_


	2. The Renegade

_"If I come outside, I'm not running- stone lone wolf of the pack, the unwanted..."_

**CHAPTER TWO: The Renegade**

"Remind me again why we're going all the way into the Land of Fire. We have enough problems of our own," Kankuro griped. "We don't have the time to deal with this right now."

"Are you thinking of disobeying my commands?" Gaara asked, ducking a tree branch as they made their way to the Land of Funk.

"Like it or not Kankuro, we need to keep the Shinobi Alliance strong if we want to win the war," Temari said. Like most ninja she'd gladly returned home, with her brothers. Secretly she'd kept in touch with a few of her acquaintances from Konoha, but at the moment, Temari didn't want to risk running into them while on a mission.

"Exactly," Gaara nodded. "And besides, it's important we deal with this before whoever's behind it can grow into something like the Akatsuki." _Or worse, before they can ally themselves with Kabuto and Madara. In fact I'm beginning to suspect this is only a diversion caused by Madara..._ "...The return scroll warned the rogue is skilled in genjutsu. Since it's highly likely this is a trap set by either Madara or Kabuto, avoid eye contact at all costs."

"See? We're heading _towards_ the trap." Kankuro sighed. "This is just like one of those predictable manga."

Temari had read the correspondence too, and it for some inexplicable reason mentioned both teams sent to the area blushed before reporting they had encountered genjutsu. _Well- it's not like these two would know much about that- or maybe they're used to that kind of "genjutsu"... yeah, Gaara didn't mention it either so I guess I won't bring it up._

Gaara spoke up again, issuing short commands. "Scorpion. Fan. Now."

**In the Land of Funk**

_I've known they would be coming back- but who's that from the West?_ Looking up to the sky, the rogue ninja spied the Sand Siblings approaching. He of course knew of them, from his former occupation, but he rarely met such people in person. The Nine-Tails' host was the first. _Almost, almost disappointing, he succumbed to the genjutsu that easily... I wonder if he'll ever know what it's like for his dreams to come true... ah, the flame of youth burns bright in him._ Shifting his gaze from the Sand Siblings to the coming team from Konoha, the ninja stood up and walked from the center of the pond to his tree house, executing the Mood Lighting Technique as he walked.

Naruto, Hinata, Shikamaru and Kakashi arrived on the scene. They detected the presence of the Sand Siblings, and the rogue ninja calls them all out.

"Are you here to boogie or not? Get out here!" The rogue ninja folded his arms across his chest, and began to tap his foot. Scorpion crept out from behind a tree trunk, and Gaara followed Temari as she walked from behind a bush. _Ah, they seem to know each other. Of course._ "Well... shall we dance?"

"I only know The Dougie," Shikamaru said. "Anyone else know it? I would feel weird dancing alone." Shikamaru looked around at the other members of his team and Gaara, Kankuro and Temari, none of them indicating that they knew the dance. "I'll take that as a no."

"So what's your deal, anyways?" Temari directed this question to the rogue ninja. "I mean, Naruto can get away with wearing orange but that outfit has no excuse."

The ninja stuck his thumb into his shiny gold sash, and removed his sunglasses. "If you reject insanity, it will eventually bring you to your knees as you laugh your reason away... I thought the world had driven me to the edge, and I simply leaped off... but all along, what they never understood is this is who I am. You could say I'm..." Slowly putting his shades back on, he finished, "...Dancing mad."

"Yeah!" Naruto suddenly said. _It's kinda weird that I do, but-_ "I think I understand where you're coming from now..."

"...I do, too." Added Gaara unexpectedly. "If you are who you say you are, that is."

"...I think it's time I introduced myself. I was once known as Renji Fudo, of Konoha; but now I am Renji Fudo, of the Land of Funk."

_Fudo, Fudo... why does that sound familiar?_ Kakashi was certain he'd read the name in a file somewhere, but couldn't quite put his finger on it.

"But one is a very lonely number; and it takes two to tango," Renji continued. "So who wants to dance with me?"

For a moment, Gaara began to think from the position of Kage, and not simply Gaara. "You have to realize you're still an unknown factor in the Alliance's current situation, Fudo. It's not quite that simple." The sounds of nature filled the silence, and Mood Lighting Technique still danced around the clearing.

Hinata had jumped at the chance to go on this mission with Naruto. For some reason Sakura and Tenten were adamant about not returning, and Kakashi offered her a spot on the team. _It's funny, how he talks about dancing... but without the dance metaphor... and with these lights, it seems like the wind in the leaves even is music..._ Though, Hinata had to admit to herself, nearly any sound became enchanting music this close to Naruto. "Ah, I was scouting with my Bakugan on the way here, and as far as I know Fudo-san is alone. We outnumber him seven to one."

Gaara nodded, and stepped over to stand beside Renji, and was handed a pair of dark sunglasses. "Wha- are you serious, Gaara?" Temari asked.

_Naruto seemed at ease here, and Hinata seems to have relaxed..._ "Have you forgotten the meaning of the tattoo on my forehead?" He countered. Temari opened her mouth to reply, only to stop when everyone noticed Shikamaru trying not to laugh.

"I'm sorry, but I just can't imagine _Gaara of the Sand_ 'getting down to the beat'-"

"No, as of this moment I'm no longer 'Gaara of the Sand', anymore. I am now Gaara..." He slipped on the dark sunglasses- "...Of the Funk."

**CHAPTER END**

_"Slide right in front of your eyes, true brilliance- it's a new bad boy on the rise, who feelin' it?"_


	3. Rival Factions

_"Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin', and we're staying alive, staying alive..."_

**CHAPTER THREE: Rival Factions**

Kabuto raised his binoculars and smirked, amused by what he saw in the clearing. "I'm correct, of course: we've got nothing to worry about from that fool."

"This time, Kabuto, I'd prefer to step in." _I'm not going to risk seeing you do The Running Man again._ "By way of your little army, they'll know you're near and that will be enough."

Kabuto's tongue flickered in and out, eyes squinting as he looked away from his binoculars. _I'm his equal, not some errand boy._ "Orochimaru."

"Sasuke."

"Orochimaru's DNA."

"Sasuke's ancestor."

"Zombie army."

"Rinnegan."

_G'bargh! I hate it when he rubs that in my face!_ "...Anyways, according to his ninja info card, Fudo was a former ANBU and Roots agent- and you know my track record against ANBU."

Madara raised an eyebrow. _H- how did he get the third edition cards before me? I thought my dealer said-_ "Fine, fine," Madara said with a dismissive wave of him hand. "But the important thing is that I'm seen first. Remember that."

Kabuto nodded. "Madara, now that I think of it... that clearing would make an excellent location for a base of operations. Relatively close to Konoha, no nearby villages..."

Madara had already considered this, but thought of it again. "Yes... and they would suspect nothing, if Fudo was eliminated; or if... he was eliminated, and brought back to our side."

"Exactly." Kabuto stowed his binoculars back inside his robe. "Time to move in?"

"We might as well." Without another word, the pair raced off towards the Land of Funk. They leapt from tree branch to tree branch at high speed, silent like the wind itself. "I'm assuming there are others with him."

Kabuto glanced over, and answered the unspoken question. "Seven, including Hatake and Uzumaki, who appears to have recovered already."

_Of course. _"Alright. Stay out of sight here, and wait for my signal." Madara went on ahead, appearing right behind Renji. "I heard the music playing over here and just had to stop by. I do so love to boogie."

"Madara!"

"Yes, I've come to dance as well... you see, history could be seen as an endless waltz. Three beats of hate, love, and revolution... but that will change the day I win this war, and the very _instant_ it comes to an end I will be looking down from the heavens, and a new age will begin..." Madara's Sharingan glowed from behind his mask. "...And I am closer to my goal than you could ima-" Before anyone could notice and stop him, Naruto jumped out and attempted to punch Madara in the face, only to pass right through him.

At that exact moment, as Naruto landed, Kakuza, Deidara, and Itachi Uchiha burst through the canopy and dropped down in a triangle formation. There was a moment of shock, and Renji began, "This isn't the place to-" but Itachi backhanded him away, and the clearing burst into chaos, the Akatsuki trio darting forwards and beginning an assualt the Sand Siblings and Konoha ninja. Itachi went after Kakashi; Kakuza singled out Shikamaru, and Deidara began randomly using his "art" to blow things up. Quietly, Kabuto himself snuck in and landed a heavy blow to Kankuro's back. Creeping back into the forest, he was apprehended by Madara.

"_The signal!_" Madara yelled quietly, staring at Kabuto. "How can we even hope to get anything acco-"

"Frankly, Madara: I don't give a damn." Sensing Kankuro and Temari coming near, Kabuto disappeared in a puff of leaves. Madara wasn't far behind.

The brother and sister came to a stop almost exactly where Kabuto and Madara had been. _No signs they're still here, but this is the Akatsuki we're dealing with..._ "I'll check nearby for a moment before we head back to the clearing," Kankuro said to Temari, who nodded and went back to the clearing. It certainly _sounded_ like Madara and Kabuto had returned to the melee. And, making it back, Temari hunch was proven correct. Shikamaru had managed to trap Kakuza with his Shadow Possession Shuriken Technique, only for a trapping art set by Deidara to be triggered by Naruto as backpedaled away from Kabuto, the explosion's light erasing Kakuza's shadow and thereby freeing him.

Hinata was backing away from her opponent as well; the blond woman wore a Kumo forehead protector, and a black and purple short-sleeved top, with bandages covering her forearms. _Even with my Byakugan, this is- who's that behind me?_ Hinata couldn't afford to "look", as the hand-to-hand fight with Yugito Nii demanded her full attention. Kunai with exploding tags, shuriken, and bodies were flying in every direction, and Yugito drove Hinata through the maelstrom of destruction until the Hyuuga ninja backed into the person she'd detected earlier. Their back provided the support Hinata needed to stand her ground against Yugito and opened up an opportunity to use her Byakugan to scan the battle.

Suddenly Naruto felt the person at his back twist around as he leaned to the side, and he was now fighting a blond woman from Kumo with a Sharingan and Rinnegan. The mystery ninja still had his back, and he hoped they would be able to stand up to Kabuto- but as he was finding out, they'd be just fine...

Amidst the chaos of the scene, Renji climbed up to a tree branch high up, and shouted, "That's it! You all have left me with no choice!"

Madara looked up and spoke. "You've never even had one, Fudo. It's too late to stop us."

At that point Renji began to do what at first looked like a dance, but Kakashi realized he was doing one-handed Dog and Ram hand seals as he swung his hips to the side opposite of the hand. "Plot Style! Chapter Ending Technique!"

Kakuza turned to Renji. "You can't be serious, that's just a fan term for-" Suddenly there was an ominous sound, and Kakuza and the other Akatsuki looked up to the sky. "FFFFUUUU-"

**CHAPTER END**

_"You had to be a renegade in those days... Take command of the dance floor!"_


	4. Step Up

_"You have met darkness and light, and you chose... you are the most powerful of us all- the elected, the chosen one..."_

**CHAPTER FOUR: Step Up**

Kakuza stood and shook the cobwebs out of his head, still not quite sure of what had just happened. Renji leaped off the tree branch, doing a double flip on the way down, and landed standing with his hands on his hips.

"I hoped you all wouldn't be such violent dancers, but I forgot that's how you all do things. So: if you want to have a showdown, you'll get your showdown- but you do it my way." Renji peered at the others scattered around the clearing before speaking again. "So let's get ready to rumble, Konoha ninja! It's time for a dance-off!"

Kabuto shook his head as he interupted, "Ha! And what's to stop us from finishing this fight elsewhere?"

Renji squinted. "As I'm sure some of you have noticed, there is something above the pond." Temari and Naruto looked up, and suddenly realized what they were seeing. "Yes, a giant mirror globe- one that just so happens to be packed with explosives. With my Mood Lighting Technique active it would only be a matter of moments before I could detonate it. Even if you started running now, you wouldn't escape the blast radius. There. Is that enough reason to settle this here and now?

Ahem. As for the dance battle, it will be in three parts: group, duo, and singles; two teams from each side will compete in duo, and one person will represent their side in singles." Suddenly Renji did several quick Tiger, Bird, and Monkey hand signs. "Funk Style: Boombox Technique!" And, a four foot tall boombox appeared in front of him. Pulling a cassette from his top, Renji walked around and inserted it into the player, a hip-hop beat with a dirty bass line playing for a moment before Renji pushed stop. "You have ten minutes to work out your group routine, beginning now!"

The Akatsuki camped out near Renji's treehouse. Kabuto saw the Konoha ninja and Temari and Kankuro planning their group dance, Temari saying something and waving her fan as Kakashi stood off to the side holding his chin, carefully supervising their progress.

"-And then- Kabuto! that's when I perform the Great Fireball technique for the finale. Were you even listening?"

"Of course I was. I'll go ahead and set up our opening positions."

"Fine. Remember to stay back during the finish. Or not... your call." The staredown stretched out for a moment before Kabuto pivoted away and assembled his Akatsuki.

"Can you handle that many Shadow Clones right now?" Asked Kakashi.

"Yeah, I'll be alright. And I start at the back of the line, right?"

Temari nodded. "Uh-huh. Shikamaru, do I need to go over your part again?"

"I come in at the second Shadow Clone generation?"

"Yeah."

"Alright. Got it." He grinned. _There's no way Kabuto or Madara know how to dance. We are going to slay them out there..._ Shikamaru looked up as he heard Renji clear his throat.

"The dance battle shall soon start. And _only_ by dance; for few things are more telling than the motions freed from one's soul by a beat. This is the only way to truly settle this conflict. First dance goes the Akatsuki members!" Renji jogged over to the mammoth boombox, and pressed play, the hip-hop beat starting again. Madara and the Akatsuki walked forwards in slow motion, Madara gradually speeding up until he was popping like a sheet of bubblewrap. His groove sped up until it seriously looked as if he was having a seizure, then it was like the bones went out of his body as he contorted himself to the ground, and then twisted into a spin; first on his shoulders then hopping up onto his knuckles, then pushing himself up into the air and falling down with his arms and legs spread out.

Then Kabuto dropped down out of nowhere, landing right on top of Madara. He flung his arms out to the side and licked the air as he whipped his head around in a circle, then kept his arms extended as he swung side to side and lowered himself to the ground, where he began some leg work. His controlled Akatsuki hyping him like mad(yet still on beat), Kabuto whipped his right calf around, his left skipping over it a few times before springing him up for a spin with his legs crossed, supported on his tail, as he did the Ram hand seal. He came down onto his feet as the Akatsuki crowded him, and as he moved his right arm out Itachi and Deidara pop and locked backwards like some force field surrounded Kabuto; and Kabuto repeated the move to his left, then they all _pulsed _in time with the beat as Kabuto crouched down and then came up in that "What?" gesture. Jumping up and backflipping, he landed on Madara's shoulders, and began popping and locking his arms as he played the puppet master for a bit.

Temari could barely believe her eyes as she saw the clawed hands and robotic movements. _They're- they ripped that part right from the Bad Romance video!_ Kabuto flipped down from Madara's shoulders and joined the others, turning counter-clockwise as they formed a circle that rotated clock-wise, their smooth footwork making it seem as if they were gliding on air. They each had their own short moment when they came back to the top of the circle: Yugito Nii spun around and dropped into the splits, before coming back up in a spin; Itachi did a one-finger 540 hand stand spin; Madara did a DX chop towards the Konoha ninja, Deidara mimed a slow-mo walk with a _boom_box on his shoulder; Kakuza pumped his hand in front of him in a very familiar manner, rapidly spinning around as his hand flew up into a raised fist; Yugito did a half barrel roll onto Kabuto's back, her hips at his shoulders and legs up in a V, and Kabuto raised his head like a wolf howling to the moon and licked the air in front of her.

Kabuto briefly stood to fling Yugito off his back; she flipped over and came down with her legs crossed around his tail. Madara and Kakuza caught her, moving her up and down with the beat as Yugito cried and spread her arms out and Itachi and Deidara hyped the move. As Yugito groaned loudly Madara and Kakuza threw her high into the air, the former Two Tails jinchuriki neatly backflipping and then landing in the splits. Loose strands of her blonde hair obscured her face as she slowly crawled/writhed forwards, and the male Akatsuki mimed rolling dice and showered her with coins. She arced her back and whipped her hair up out of her face, licking her lips as she rose, seeming to take an eternity(but was really only a few relatively short moments) to stand up while she gently pulled down the collar of her top and toyed with its waist.

The Akatsuki parted for Madara to stroll forwards again, once more popping like a maniac. His arms writhed around to his back, then one snaked out to the front, and Madara reached through his stomach to shake his own hand. Madara did more pop and lock contortions with his arms, as the other Akatsuki spun around and did barrel rolls over each other; and as the beat neared the end of its loop again Madara threw in a few Hand Seals. The Akatsuki tumbled over and around him into a group pose several feet in front, and then Madara unleashed the Great Fireball Technique, the explosion backlighting the group pose.

Gaara nodded slightly, and Renji clapped. He called, "Konoha ninja and Sand Siblings, are you ready to answer with your routine?"

"We're ready," Replied Kakashi. Temari spread out her fan, and they all lined up behind her. As the beat began, Naruto immediately performed the Shadow Clone Technique, and his clones fanned out, closely followed by the other Konoha ninja. The shadow clones leaned forwards and put their heads together, forming platforms with their backs that the others jumped up on. Slowly revolving, the shadow clone platforms moved into a M formation, and Kakashi led a top-rock break. The shadow clone platforms holding Temari, Shikamaru, Kankuro and Hinata merged and formed two lines behind Kakashi, the top-rock groove continuing for a moment. Then leaping off, they flipped forwards with front handsprings as the shadow clones assembled into a semi-circular wall behind them. Kankuro- and surprisingly, Hinata- began busting out the power moves, spinning like tops as Kakashi, Temari and Shikamaru started the legwork of their down-rock jam- and Kakashi even stole Kabuto's move, whipping his right calf around as his left skipped over it.

And then the shadow clone wall collapsed over them. Suddenly, one of the clones in front flew out, and disappeared in a puff of smoke. More and more followed him, until Kakashi and the others reappeared, with their own slow motion robo walk. Kakashi was wearing mirrored sunglasses now; and when a shadow clone ran around to attack, he popped into a backhand then began a series of shoulder and elbow spins, his freezes always seeming to end in some kind of kick that took out a shadow clone, until there were only two left. While the others were shuffling into a line behind Kakashi, Temari picked up her fan and moved up to the front of the line; she waved it past Kakashi, and Kankuro was suddenly in front, with the rest of the Konoha ninja waving their arms, giving the illusion that Kankuro had ten. With another wave of the fan Shikamaru was in front- he crouched down and spread his arms out, starting a wave that ended with Kakashi standing, arms above his head. Another swing of the fan revealed Hinata, who did a tight bit of shuffling before spinning around as Temari swung her giant fan past her, briefly exposing Naruto's Ninja Centerfold before a quick swipe showed Kakashi was back in front, and Temari whirled around, folding up her giant fan as she did so.

At this point Naruto performed the Shadow Clone Technique a second time, the clones assembling behind Shikamaru. "Shadow Imitation Technique!" His shadow stretching out and intertwining with the shadow... clones' shadows, Shikamaru led the Konoha ninja in a spirited Dougie. Across the clearing Kabuto's jaw dropped like Lehman Brothers stock as Shikamaru suddenly stepped back and let Naruto take the lead, and the Nine Tail's jinchuriki did what many would consider unthinkable in this situation- The Carlton. Naruto gradually added in a shuffle to the dance, his clones and teammates backing him up, and continuing as he generated even more shadow clones. The Konoha side of the clearing was now packed with ninja doing a Carlton-esque shuffle. After a few moments, the clones spun away and began posing up, as the beat neared the end of its loop. The Konoha ninja went into their own pose with Kakashi in front, and Naruto jumped over Shikamaru, stepped off Kankuro, and did a few spins on Kakashi's shoulders before angling off to land on one knee, arms crossed over his chest.

Renji stroked his chin for a moment. "The group round goes to the Akatsuki!" Upon seeing Naruto's reaction, he added, "Too many Shadow Clones; though the strength of your spirit was admirable. Two members from each side, prepare! The next round begins in a minute!" Pushing play on his ginormous boombox, a saxophone began a groove everyone in the clearing would later wish they'd never heard, but would always remember.

"G... Gracious...

U... Uber-cozy..."

Temari glanced over to the Akatsuki side, and saw Kabuto and Yugito Nii were already waiting. The look on the sister of the Sand Siblings' face declared that she would not be participating in this round, and Shikamaru cast a similar expression around the circle. Finally, when the minute was almost up and still no one had volunteered, Kankuro sighed angrily. "Alright, I'll do it."

"I might as well take up the other place," Kakashi said.

"The first duo dance starts now!" Renji said unexpectedly. The saxophone blared out again, and he had to prompt, "Dance!" Both sides stood still for a moment, then Kankuro just started moving. His motions weren't quite a dance but they _were _in time with the beat. Opposite him, Kakashi was copying his movements with his Sharingan.

On the other side, Itachi and Deidara had taken the place of Kabuto and Yugito right as the dance started, and they were performing several... unfortunate variations of Yugito and Kabuto's moves from the group routine. The whole scene was like a nightmare that kept getting worse, and yet Temari found she couldn't look away. She'd already seen far too much of her middle brother's "dance" moves, but the image of Kakashi mimicking them was one that would be seared onto the back of her eyelids for ages to come. _I can barely even look at what Itachi and Deidara are doing..._

Mercifully, the song was shorter than the hip-hop loop, and the disaster ended. Gaara had his head down, massaging his temple, but, but Renji was clapping wildly. "First duo dance goes to the Konoha ninja!" He paused to sniff and... wipe away a tear? "Such a powerful new dance style, as I've never seen before!" He glanced to the Akasuki side, where Kabuto's look expressed a cool distaste for the round's outcome. Renji pressed play on the boombox, and another song began; and Temari's spirit fell as she heard a song by the same artist as the last one starting.

"Oh, you touch my tra-la-la...

Mmmm, my ding ding dong..."

Checking the other side, Kabuto and Yugito had stepped up again, and looking back Naruto and Hinata were already being pushed forwards. "Just... just don't do what my brother did, Naruto. Got that?"

"Hey, don't dis my groundbreaking dance mo-"

"Second duo dance begins now!"

"WHAT?" But before anyone knew what was going on, the music got louder, and Mood Lighting Technique intensified. Kabuto and Yugito Nii were... Shikamaru shuddered and looked away; Hinata and Naruto were standing close, Naruto swung his hip to the side with the beat as Hinata put her hands on his waist and rolled her head around, then snapped her head back back and to the left. Naruto drifted back a couple steps, and leaned his head to the side and up, the rest of his body following; here and there he added a few "come here" gestures with his hands as he mouthed the words- somehow, he already knew the lyrics... Then a female voice started singing, and Hinata began gyrating: first rolling her head around again, then her shoulders and chest, the her hips, all the while slowly gravitating towards Naruto.

Kakashi had his recording device out, capturing Hinata and Naruto's dance. A quick glance confirmed Kabuto and Yugito were still... Kakashi had to admit it was in time with the music, but he had enough similar videos to not need footage of that. As the female verse came around again, Hinata repeated her twirls, adding in a couple beckoning gestures- that Kakashi had to believe were completely honest- while Naruto had his hips forward and he pumped his fists in the air. He did actually dance towards Hinata, still doing the fist pumping move as she placed her fingers on his waist and once more rolled her head around, before it flew back, back and to the left. She swung her hips side to side as she came down to her knees, and her hands wandered dangerously close the area being described by the song. Leaning his head back as Hinata wiggled her way up, Naruto wound his fingers through Hinata's hair, still pumping... the air with his right hand. With Hinata back up, they both started that move Naruto had done during the first verse, to opposite sides and then in unison- and then the song ended.

Waiting until Kabuto had closed his robe, Renji said "Victory in the second group dance goes to the Akatsuki! Such amazing raw passion!" He leveled a sympathetic look towards Naruto and the other ninja on the Konoha side. "This makes the score two to one; and to prevent a possible tie the solo dance will be worth _two_ points!" Fast forwarding through another track by the same artist who did the last two songs, the boombox started... booming out a funky version of a song Kakashi was sure he'd heard before.

"Nine lives, cat size- usin' every one..."

"You have a minute to choose your candidate, beginning now. May the best dancer win."

Over on the Akatsuki's side Madara spoke, "No, no- LISTEN! You had three dance- well, two- and we're only leading by _one_? You've had your chance, Kabuto; _I_ will take this dance. It's time I showed them what the Will of Fire meant on the dance floor..."

Naruto was making his case with his team and the Sand Siblings. He stuck his chin out, and said, "It should have been me that ended the war three weeks ago, and I just know it has to be me here. I... know I'm not exactly the greatest dancer, and I don't know how I'll do it, but... I still know I can win if you give me the chance." He looked to Kakashi and the others in the huddle, hoping to get approval.

"I believe you can do it, Naruto." Kakashi nodded.

"Alright!" Gaara called. "The first solo dance goes to the Akatsuki!" Madara walked forwards, snapping his fingers. Surprisingly, he stuck with his b-boy style, but the groove started with a shuffle: a brief pose would be struck, then he would add a dash of gliding footwork to his next spot, before shuffling it up again. Suddenly he dropped to the ground for a spot of down-rock, threading and contorting through his right leg for a handful of beats then twisting over and threading with his left leg, and then for the second time that day Kabuto had his leg whip move stolen- and Madara pulled it off better than Kabuto _or_ Kakashi. He even sprung up with his legs crossed in front of him as he did the Ram hand seal. Coming down, Madara flawlessly transitioned into The Worm, then flopped up onto an elbow and a hand. He "waddled" on them for a few seconds, before pushing himself up onto his knuckles and subsequently collapsing into a spin on his shoulders. Springing up, Madara went down to spin on his shoulders and back up on his knuckles three more times, then sped up the move and suddenly launched into the air, holding the lotus position upside down for an extremely long fraction of a second.

Tumbling down, Madara spun up and dipped into some jerking, snapping his fingers. As he watched, Naruto couldn't help but feel the weight of the challenge mounting up, like when he saw the Uchiha's smooth transition between jerking and The Creep. He turned to Kakashi. "...Just forget everything you've seen so far. You can't let that slow you down, Naruto. So don't freeze up: just let the music move you." Looking back to Madara, he was leaning back as the song's ending played out, hanging loose and shaking himself; and as the last power chord was hit he dropped to his knees, arms raised up to the sky.

Renji and Gaara clapped, and the rogue ninja raised an eyebrow as he turned his head to the Konoha side. _H- how am I going to do this?_ Naruto worried to himself. Almost as if he'd heard the nagging thought, Kakashi grabbed the Nine-Tail's jinchuriki by the shoulders and looked deep into his eyes.

"Naruto: Ninja Centerfold..."

**-SEVERAL EXTREMELY AWKARD MINUTES LATER-**

Kankuro walked back into the clearing. _Good, everyone's back now._ Renji cleared his throat. "After conferring with my colleague, it has become apparent whose hearts proved to be stronger. I've seen dance taken places I'd never dreamed of during this epic showdown, highs and lows both. But there can only be one. Thus the winner of the territorial battle is... Naruto and the Konoha ninja, and the Sand Siblings!"

The Land of Funk burst into chaos; Naruto and his team began to celebrate wildly, but the rage of Kabuto and the rest of the Akatsuki boiled over and washed up against the rejoicing of the Sand Siblings and Konoha ninja. For a moment they didn't know what was going on, but then they realized and started to fight back against the Akatsuki. Renji and Gaara tried to intervene to no avail: once again Itachi backhanded him away, and Gaara got tied up dealing with Yugito.

His cheek still smarting from the blow, Renji pushed himself up and surveyed the battle scene in the clearing. _How could this happen? Aren't they willing to let it go for a few moments? Oh well... you can't stop the beat..._ Working up his chakra, Renji began a lengthy series of hand seals- longer than the trigger for simply detonating the mirror globe, this was his top ranked jutsu, a Wind Style technique that would not only explode the mirror globe but also put extra force behind the blast. _Dragon, Serpent, Bird, Ram; Dragon, Serpent, Bird, Tiger..._ Halfway through the long string of hand seals, a few others began to notice. Kakashi had watched with his Sharingan since the jutsu's beginning, and Madara was already at the Land of Funk's edge, prepared to use Izanagi if Renji's earlier warning of the mirror globe's explosive power held true.

Kakashi snapped out of his trance. Still keeping an eye on Renji's hand seals, he shouted to his teammates and the Sand Siblings, "Behind the tree line! Hurry!" Temari was already running towards Kankuro to tear him away from Itachi, and the mass melee began to evaporate as the Akatsuki realized what was about to happen and turned to run.

Out of the corners of his eyes, Renji saw the retreat taking place. _They'll most likely avoid total annihilation, but-_ His focus switched back to the jutsu, and the last few of the forty-two hand seals- _Hare, Dragon- _"Wind Style Technique: Dragon God Seal-Breaker Ultimate Demon Sunderer! WRRRRRRYYYY!" Holding up the Dragon seal and aiming for the mirror globe, Renji kept his wrists together and opened up the seal, forming a shape like a fanged mouth as his chakra surged up and coiled around him in the form of a dragon, and flew up to the globe. It sliced in on impact, causing a shockwave to burst out, and then with a roaring, rushing sound the rest of Dragon God Seal-Breaker Ultimate Demon Sunderer collided with the mirror globe, which exploded with a noise like the hopes of an entire nation shattering into pieces...

**CHAPTER END**

Epilogue

"-Madara and the rest survived, but the ceasefire's been maintained... for the moment." Kakashi eyed the former ANBU who was leaning up against the wall. "If you want, I might be able to persuade Lady Tsunade to move you out of solitary confinement."

"No," Renji said, shaking his head. "I asked for this; I'm a former Roots and ANBU operative, and a war criminal now. This is exactly what I deserve."

"But you also put the Akatsuki's plans on hold for entire weeks, in a war where things have changed in just moments," Kakashi added.

"Yeah," Naruto agreed. "And Renji... a few people even danced in the streets when they heard the Akatsuki had been blown off the face of the Earth."

"Ah, to have danced with them. But here I can only dance in the dark, and shake my fist at the moon. The Land of Funk is no more..."

"Hey." Naruto caught Renji's eye. "The Land of Funk might not lead the world to peace, but I promise you peace is going to happen someday. Believe it." Renji held Naruto gaze for a moment, then walked over to his chair and picked up the only pair of the dark sunglasses to have survived the mirror globe's detonation. He reached through his cell's bars, extending them to Naruto. After a moment, Naruto smiled and accepted the sunglasses, and slid them on.

THE END

_"Lay down the boogie, and play that funky music 'til you die!"_

****Author's Note**** Whew! One big chapter to finish things up for my first Naruto fanfic! *cough* Here's my man card. Now, you're probably wondering where some of those quotes at the beginning and end of the chapters came from. :D Well, I compiled a playlist of some groovy, funky music to go along with the story and that's where I got the quotes. lol I had that last paragraph and song quote clearly in mind before starting. Anyhoo, here's the playlist, in order of appearance:

El Dorado, by Iron Maiden.

Here I Come, by The Roots.

Staying Alive, by The Beegees.

Renegades of Funk, by Rage Against the Machine.

Heroes of the Waterfalls' Kingdom: The Splendour of Angel's Glory(A Final Revelation), by Rhapsody of Fire.

I Am Your Man, by Günther.

Ding Dong Song, by Günther.

AC/DC-Back in Black(Funk Version), by Andy Rehfeldt.

Play That Funky Music, by Wild Cherry.

The Splendour of Angel's Glory doesn't exactly flow with the others, but it's the most epic song I could possibly imagine to hear in the background of the last chapter. It would start from the quote at the top, and play until the end of that section of the music. It would come back in a hair before where it left off as Renji fires the Gory Overkill Title of Fatal Death jutsu at the mirror globe, and fade away after twenty seconds.

Now, as for the dance-off, I'll admit my knowledge of popular dance goes about as deep as Step Up 3D. I tried to put in what I thought were some cool moves, like most of Madara's stuff, and some lame moves, like the Carlton; and some stuff, like that lovely image from near the end of Naruto and Hinata's dance, I just made up. And yes, I'm a fan of putting the two together. :/

Anyways, thanks for taking a look, and check out some of my other works. Bye!


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